Drake: And that's when I said first of all Barack, I'm mixed, but enough about me. I wanna know about you. *boops my nose*
Me: Well, I do not like the beach because I do not like sand or crustaceans but I do personally feel very connected to the ocean. I actually feel as if I may be mixed with mermaid.
Drake: That's so interesting. You are such a well rounded individual. Please, tell me more about you.
Me: I am very afraid of the dark.
Drake: A few years back I read a passage that said something like "You're not afraid of the dark, you're afraid of what is inside of the dark." I just thought that was so beautiful.
Me: ... Are you getting smart with me?
Drake: Not at all I ju-
Me: *loudly* Please do not come for me Mr. Graham I know what the hale I'm scared of!
Drake: ... that was extremely arousing and I'd like to take you home if that's okay with you.
Me: You pickin up the tab?
Me: *puts the basket of rolls in my bag* Get the check.
if i’m ever late for anything its probably because i have been delayed by signature seeking fans
long-distance friendships are terrible because you can’t meet up with them whenever you want and hang out on any given day which is why when i’m president i’m relocating the entire human population into a 10,000,000 story skyscraper that also acts as a bridge from earth to the moon which comes with the added benefit of swinging the moon around like a fucking mace, god damn it’s gonna look so cool. what was i talking about